When I was young and Ivory soap ran in my veins, a thing I swore I'd never do was review. Critics with their clacking teeth, their hairy wrists and glinting wristwatches, their sharp nibs scratching at the very fibers of the page: an altogether scary breed. I imagined them equally zealous whether affixing golden seals of approval or administering literary thrashings thorough enough to shred whole, heavy tomes into masses of paper capellini.
"...criticism, the dreariest of the arts."
- Charles Baxter, The Art of Subtext: Beyond Plot